202 Days and Counting
Sometimes it helps me to think about things in terms of numbers/percentages—when my bf first left, I wondered if I should look at our time apart in term of days, weeks or months. I think I settled on weeks, even though some of my earlier letters to him would indicate how many days he had been gone. After a while, we got into our groove and I stopped notating the dates, until now. I am thinking about time left/days left and today I calculated that if he comes back on his official end date and not any sooner (which is possible), we have 202 days left of his Peace Corps Service. To put in perspective, I also figured out that his entire service is 792 days (2 years and 2 months), which means that we are 74% through his term. I know this might be a little extreme to do all these calculations, but honestly it helps me. I have even been toying with the idea of making a countdown chain, like the same kind I had when I was younger to countdown for Christmas; not sure if I will go that far, but it’s tempting.
I was talking to one of my girlfriends about how I’m feeling and she mentioned a couple things that made me feel better. She mentioned that what my bf and I have done so far, 20 months in a long distance relationship, has been amazing. That the 20 months in a long distance relationship is something I should feel good about but that on top of everything ours has been a cross-continental relationship, so what we have accomplished is incredible. The other thing she mentioned which I completely appreciated is that she said the “homestretch” is always the most difficult. She asked me to think about someone running a marathon, and how that last couple of miles is brutal, and there is a point where you might just want to throw in the towel because it has been so tough (fyi, I by no means want to throw in the towel), but ultimately when you hit that last mile and cruise in, it feels wonderful because you accomplished what you set out to do. So I’m trying not to be too hard on myself for feeling this way, and am trying to envision the finish line.
The other thing my friend warned me about is that when your long-distance relationship is finally ending and you are going to be in the same place finally, there are a lot of fears. She mentioned when she moved out to California to be with her bf (years ago), they started arguing more frequently right before she moved out. In retrospect, she attributed much of the fighting to the fear she was facing by finally getting to be in the same place with the guy, and what it would actually be like, and all that she was leaving behind. It was good to hear her perspective, because although that has not been happening with me and my bf, I could definitely see how those feelings could manifest.
I guess today was a better day for everything. I had a conversation that helped me feel better about how I’m feeling, and last night I spent a hour on video Skype with my bf. So all is getting better…and just think, by this weekend, we will have less than 200 days left until he gets back.