Date Night When You Are In A Long Distance Relationship

Posted February 28, 2010 By admin and has no comments yet.

Sometimes I miss going on dates since I’m in a LDR.   Particularly, I miss going to the movies together–sharing popcorn and having a shoulder to rest my head on or hide behind.  It’s Oscar season and we are both into movies, so we started the plan of watching movies separately and then discussing them later.  I know it doesn’t lend to hand holding during the movie but at least it gives us a similar experience and something to discuss after. It also actually makes us find even more time for each other, which is something we would need to do in person, so it’s yet another cool way to strengthen our time together and apart.

Last week, we even took it a step further and turned on our Skype (again, thank goodness for technology!), and while I watched The Hurt Locker on On Demand, he watched the same flick on his computer.  Since he has two computers, he used one to watch me watching the movie and I turned my computer around to face me on the couch watching the TV.  This was a fun experience for us, but I think was a little more distracting for me because I spent some time trying to sync up our movies as much as possible.  The problem with our sync issues ended up being that while I was watching a NTSC version, he was watching the PAL version (so his version was faster).  So quick note to any of you in a long distance relationship who want to try this date at home, make sure that you have the same standards while enjoying your Skype date.

Since time and access to movies is a little more flexible for him (95% of all DVDs for sale in Kenya are bootlegs so you can get any new movie in the markets at any time), I am now behind on my movie watching.  So far, he is ahead by three movies, and by tomorrow I’m sure it will be four.   Which means, I should really get off this blog and go to the movies so I can participate in our next LDR date tonight or tomorrow.

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A LDR Valentine’s Day Message

Posted February 14, 2010 By admin and has no comments yet.

Happy Valentine’s day to my bf that lives in Kenya.  This is our second Valentine’s Day as a couple, and the second Valentine’s Day we have spent apart in a LDR.  I am thankful to have you as my valentine, even though you are far away. I know that Valentine’s Day is a little bit of an over hyped Hallmark holiday, but I look forward to next year when we are in the same country so we can snuggle up together and enjoy being in the same place.  I love you and miss you.  Happy Valentine’s Day!  xoxoxo

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Adjusting to Life In A Different Place

Posted February 6, 2010 By admin and has no comments yet.

So now I’m home and trying to adjust to everything–I’ve been back for almost two weeks.

I, of course, miss my bf but I am also dealing with a bit of culture shock.  It’s weird to see clean, paved streets and supermarkets filled with crisp fruit.  I can drink water from the tap and open my mouth in the shower.  I can turn on the heat or AC to match my every temperature discomfort. And somehow in the midst of every privileged aspect of my life, I miss Kenya.  I miss seeing the carts of mangoes and avocados, and buying passion juice in the stores (since I am still a little too nervous to drink it fresh in most places in Kenya).  It’s weird to be in one place that lacks so many amenities (including indoor toilets and showers) and then to wake up in a place with everything I could desire, and yet still miss that other place.

There is a certain simplicity of Kenya that I miss even though I am incredibly grateful for my life.  I also really miss the kids at my bf’s school and the appreciation that comes from the children when I do flashcards with them and pass out stickers.  The simplicity in Kenya and the lack of material things, makes me feel more bewildered when I come back and talk with people who are miserable, and act out accordingly.  Sometimes I’m also guilty of not always keeping things in perspective and there are definitely times when I take things for granted, but being fresh off my last visit for Kenya, it skews my vision a bit of how much we all take for granted and what an amazing place we live in, if only we could remember.

So I am thankful. Thankful for having a bf in Kenya who has shown me this other world, thankful we have shared these experiences together and thankful for the life I do have when I come home.

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Trip Rundown

Posted January 31, 2010 By admin and has no comments yet.

I’m back in the U.S. after my third trip to Kenya.  This trip might have been our favorite.  Here’s kind of a breakdown of the three trips:

Trip 1 (after being apart for the first five months, five months into bf’s service): Wonderful (most amount of vacation time of all the trips), but also after being away from each other so long there was some anxiousness on my part to make everything perfect.  Was still a wonderful trip, but there was also a little bit of an adjustment to finally have expectations meet up with reality.

Trip 2 (after being apart for four months, ten months into bf’s service): Great experience to be more involved in his daily work with the kids in his school and understand his day to day more–made me understand more where he has been coming from with hurdles and accomplishments in his daily life.  Also, expectations and reality were more in sync and we got to really connect with each other as a couple, without as much of the nervousness as the first trip.

Trip 3 (after being apart for three months, 14 months into bf’s service): Fun!  We have definitely gotten more into the groove of our LDR and this trip was all about just enjoying each other, relaxing, having fun and carving out a little normalcy in our activities (instead of all the amazing crazy adventures). Was really, really fun for both of us.

I think with all our time apart and time together we have learned how to be better friends and support systems to each other–we know each other more, and can sense what the other one can do to help out.  On this last trip especially, my bf was such a support when I was stressed about a couple things going on at home–was amazing to have him to lean on completely, and for him to literally offer his shoulder for support.  I felt (and feel) like an incredibly lucky girl.

Immediately on returning home, one of the first things I did was look up tickets for a trip back.  I can’t wait for Trip #4 and all the new adventures we get to share!

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Long-Distance Relationship Reaches One-year Mark!

Posted January 21, 2010 By admin and has no comments yet.

So this blog post is now three months late, since my boyfriend actually left in November of 2008, but since we have officially passed the year mark, I still wanted to share.

Before my boyfriend moved to Kenya, we both had experienced long-distance relationships (with his experience of a year and a half outdoing my own experiences).  I had two previous LDRs, the first for four months (after first dating for two years) and the second for four months (after dating for three months)–obviously none of our previous LDRs worked out.  In his case and mine, our LDRs had been in the same country; meaning that in-person visits were much more feasible than the approx. 30 hours on planes and airports it takes me to get to Kenya.

When he left I felt like the two years would be doable (based on some of my friend’s experiences) but still difficult at times.  I also worried about myself, since I had never been in a LDR for more than four months and wondered how I would deal with everything. I can happily report that we have now been in our LDR for over a year, with about another year to go!  I have seen him twice in this year (for a total of four weeks), and will be seeing him again soon.

On his way to Kenya to begin his Peace Corps Service, my boyfriend sat next to a man who told him he had also started a LDR after only a few months of dating before moving to Africa.  He happily reported that ten years later he was still together with the same woman and they had successfully managed their time apart.  The man gave my boyfriend two pieces of advice: 1) The key to a successful LDR is communication AND 2) Never EVER eat the lettuce in Kenya.  We have followed these two pieces of advice religiously.

The first 3-4 months of his absence were definitely the most difficult, for several reasons.  Technology was limited, we didn’t know where the Peace Corps would place him (in a remote hut or a city), and for me the uncertainty if the relationship we had created in-person (over the course of eight months) could ultimately sustain us for two years.  At the beginning when he didn’t have a phone yet, or access to Internet (plus Skype) staying connected to him was difficult. When we couldn’t talk on the phone at the beginning, I started a journal of letters that I would write to “him” to help me feel connected, we both exchanged emails when technology permitted. Now we are in much more of a routine, and the two visits to Kenya helped solidify that the love is as much there in person as it is over the phone.

When technology and schedules permit, we speak at least once a day if not twice.  On weekends, we get to be on Skype for a couple hours at a time which is awesome–I’ll eat breakfast and he’ll finish his dinner.  Yes, ideally we would be eating the same meal in the same place, but in comparison to some of his counterparts, our situation with technology capability spoils us and makes us feel incredibly grateful.

There are definitely still some hurdles, when electricity is down, or he is traveling for trainings or I’m traveling for work and we can’t catch up as often, but as a whole we are incredibly lucky.  For anyone wanting to maintain a LDR, I cannot reiterate enough how important communication and phone calls are; they help you feel close and allow you to experience the other’s world when you are oceans away.  I also have to say that maintaining the relationship based on friendship and conversation, has actually been an amazing way of pulling us closer.  I rely on him emotionally like I would a partner who is in the same place, maybe even more so because a majority of our relationship now is based on friendship and sharing our days in detail so we can visualize everyone and everything.  It might sound a bit sappy, but I love him more today and love us more today than the day he left.

So happy one-year LDR anniversary to us!!  And here’s to one more year to go!!

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Relying on Yourself

Posted November 17, 2009 By admin and has no comments yet.

Since my boyfriend has been gone, little moments where I could have benefited from having my partner physically around have become apparent. Before you get too excited, I’m talking about more G-rated practical activities: taking me to the airport, helping with heavy boxes,  driving me to pick up my car from the mechanic, bug elimination etc.  In reviewing this list, I guess it doesn’t seem very romantic, but nonetheless they still make me miss my guy. I definitely miss the more romantic side of our relationship, but sometimes it’s the more practical daily moments where I miss him.

Yes, I can get friends or taxis to take me places, when my car is out of commission, and I can have friends help with heavy lifting, and no matter how much I squeal, I can absolutely handle bugs–I guess it’s just having your partner there to rely on.  I have always considered myself independent, and I have handled all the above items on my own, but ultimately it’s the little things in life that I do miss sharing.

I guess the thing that I tell myself when I’m facing these moments of independence is to enjoy them.  Just simply to sit back, problem solve and enjoy relying on myself to find the solution. What’s funny is that even with the long-distance relationship, and his absence in these little moments, the ways I solve certain problems or deal with different solo experiences, always make for great conversations when we are catching up and sharing our days.

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Technology, Remote Places and Long-Distance Relationships

Posted November 8, 2009 By admin and has 2 comments.

For the most part, we are extremely lucky. I know a lot of people might see a long-distance relationship as a hurdle, an obstacle, a problem and maybe find little to be thankful for, but I am thankful.  I am thankful to have found a great guy, and am also thankful that technology rocks!

My boyfriend and I were lucky enough that the Peace Corps placed him in an area where he has electricity (with occasional blackouts) but it allows us keep in touch via cell phone or Skype daily, and most days it is at least twice a day.  We love Skype, it helps us connect, and see each other in person. It adds a much better layer to see each others’ face, than just speaking on the phone.  The question that we both get immediately after telling people we use Skype (or the question we can see in their eyes), is if we use Skype for more intimate moments, to connect on that level.  Sorry to disappoint, but the answer is actually, no.  Neither of us is really into that idea very much, and honestly I don’t trust technology enough to think that at some point something unwanted might end up on the Internet.  However, this is not to say that this isn’t a great thing for some couples, it’s just not our thing.  We are content to have a G or sometimes PG video Skype experience and leave those more intimate moments for in-person visits.

The funny thing with technology is that it spoils you, it makes you rely on it being there, on your partner being there.  The problem is that when there is a blackout or a travel day, or your partner is in a remote village, the withdrawal is a bit more difficult because you’ve become accustomed to daily communication.  This has happened to us numerous times, and sometimes is difficult to keep things in perspective and not take the absence of that communication as something personal.  Recently, my boyfriend was visiting a village, with extremely limited electricity, mainly solar powered sources, which meant no phone and definitely no Skype.  I’d like to say that since he has been gone almost year and this has happened several times, I don’t take it personally anymore, but I can’t completely.  I can’t help but wonder sometimes if he is trying hard enough to reach out to me.  In this particular instance, and in many cases when these little specks of doubts reach my mind, he magically finds a way to show me he I am still in his mind (a little text or email will show up), which makes me know he is thinking of and/or missing me.  So even though I am getting better at understanding that sometimes technology does fail in our long-distance relationship and I need to be patient, he has also made a bigger effort to maximize the technology available to him to reach out and connect with me, which makes me thankful.  Thankful that we are both learning, growing, and finding ways to connect and understand each other better in a time where we are separated by oceans and at times, technology.

My boyfriend’s grandmother told me a story about how after she first moved to America, her husband could not leave Italy for two years. Two years, the same amount of time my boyfriend will be away, BUT and the big one is that they relied on letters, no phones with great calling card plans, no email, no video Skype.  I can’t imagine that scenario, and how you can sustain a relationship, passion or friendship for that long with little communication. A few months before my boyfriend left to join the Peace Corps, I actually went on a mini-vacation by myself for about 10 days.  In that time, I wrote a letter every day to him, and while it was incredibly romantic and a great way to share thoughts that maybe I couldn’t do as easily on the phone, I think it would be extremely difficult to do that for two years.  Not to mention, in my 10 days away, we managed to sneak in a couple shorter calls.  I am definitely in awe of how couples survived before so much technology was available. Knowing that his grandparents (and other couples from the pre-Skype/phone era) not only survived, but actually ultimately flourished, makes me thankful and hopeful that with all the resources we now have at our disposal we will and can do the same.

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No Empathy

Posted October 6, 2009 By admin and has no comments yet.

I tried saying everything I conveyed in my last blog to another taxi driver that was struggling with my overweight luggage (still in the UK, on the way to the airport).  After pausing slightly after hearing me say that the extra weight consisted of goodies for my volunteer boyfriend in Kenya and the deaf children he is teaching, the taxi driver without empathy or humor commented, “Hmmm, are you saying your boyfriend is in this luggage?”  So I guess even the truth didn’t help, bummer.

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You Must Be an American

Posted September 6, 2009 By admin and has no comments yet.

I’m currently on my way to Kenya for my second visit to see my boyfriend but am also stopping in a few other places beforehand for business.  There are a few problems with all the pre-trips (in all different climates), which all boil down to all the luggage I have been hauling with me.  Luckily, last time I was in Kenya, I left some clothing and misc. toiletries behind so I wouldn’t have to bring them again, but I still have much more than I would typically bring with me for a business trip.  I have:

1) One large roller bag filled with clothes for the four countries I’m visiting along with some Kenya specific items (ie. sunscreen, mosquito repellent, travel games, etc.)

2) Second large roller bag filled with snacks and random goodies for my boyfriend and the children he is teaching (which depending on the airline charges an overweight fee).

3) Backpack w/laptop, books, ipod, etc.

4) Purse

5) Misc. paper bag originally containing candy for my business portion of this trip but now consists of random little gifts/gadgets I’m picking up along the way.

Bringing all this luggage with me is something I have become used to but it is the hotel valets and taxi drivers I feel most sorry for…until today.

On my way from yet another plane to taxi to train to taxi to hotel, the taxi driver had to put all my luggage in his car.  He (as most people) was not expecting the weight of my roller bags and buckled a bit with the first one.  He managed the second one and I got in the taxi.  As I got in the taxi he mentioned something about the weight of my luggage which I readily apologized for and then he muttered something under his breath about me being an American (this portion of the journey happened in the UK).  Exhausted from being on five planes in six days, I ignored him.

On the ride to the hotel, he asked if I was visiting on holiday, I said no, for work, a conference.  Upon learning from me that a conference was soon to begin with 2,000 people from all over the world,  I could see him getting disgruntled at the thought of all these foreigners blocking his streets.  There wasn’t much else shared on the ride as he still seemed to be working through the idea that he was facing a congested week ahead.

When we got to the hotel, he lugged the bags out of the car making an off-handed comment about being prepare this time for the weight.  As I prepared to pay him, he said again, “You are an American, aren’t you?”  “Yes,” I said with gritted teeth.  He replied, “That’s what I thought.”

Now what got me about this conversation, is not only that he insulted me just for the sake of being rude but he also had no idea what he was insulting me about.  If I hadn’t been so tired from all the travel, I probably would have attempted to shame him by mentioning my bags were so heavy because this week I’m seeing my boyfriend who lives in Kenya who is a volunteer.  Not only is he a volunteer in an underdeveloped country where he lives in the same conditions as the locals (and worse in some cases), but he also teaches children with limited resources.  And the children are deaf.  So the reason my bags are so heavy is because I am bringing him snacks that are more difficult to get in Kenya (including cans of tuna fish), and school supplies for the deaf children.  So I apologize if my heavy bags caused less than one minute of discomfort.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I was too exhausted and ready to sleep that I didn’t have the energy to shame him,  so none of that was mentioned. I paid him, looked at the stairs in front of me and my heavy bags, went inside and found a delightful woman in the hotel willing to help me with the luggage.  The best part was she was so nice and polite about my heavy luggage, that there was no need for me to explain why my bags were so heavy or that my boyfriend lives in Kenya.

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My Boyfriend Lives in Kenya….

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I’ve finally decided to put my musings on my long-distance relationship into a blog because it is surprising how often the phrase “My boyfriend lives in Kenya” comes up in conversation and the various reactions or resulting discussions. Yes, my boyfriend lives in Kenya and I live in California, U.S.A. He has been away for ten months serving in the Peace Corps.

It is a very long way apart but thankfully technology has made daily communication possible.  There are definitely days when I wish he was closer, but overall this has been a positive experience for us and our relationship.  We have a little over a year left until he is back in the states, so until then, I will use this blog to recall some of my favorite or unique experiences that come with my boyfriend living in Kenya.

Feel free to share any of your own long-distance relationship stories as well!

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